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But I'm hoping to get back into journaling. I have some grand plans for 2020. My brain keeps popping up "Hindsight is..." whenever it sees 2020 on something, and it's making me want to work on things that, when looked back on clearly after, will be things I can be proud of and have learned from.
New year's resolutions are always iffy. But I think if I work on getting back some lifestyle changes that have slipped, as well as looking at things as a project and blogging it as I go, I'll have more motivation than the usual January 1st dreams.
I've managed to regain in a year half of the pounds I had lost over three years...and my cholesterol is 10 points over normal. Since it was previously at the low end, this is a bit heads up that my binge eating has gotten out of control. It's an eating disorder that is often not acknowledged, but it's very real and makes eating a game of chicken.
I've been unable to sit at my computer for some time now, but I've just been gifted a really nice and not heavy laptop from my parents, which I'm typing on now, which (as long as I don't go for big chunks of time typing, which hurts my hands) should enable blogging or journaling again for me.
2020 Hindsight:
working on the binge eating habit and finding ways to sneak in exercise. My mom has suggested that starting in January I take "one hour a day for yourself" to use for self care. The discipline of that will be difficult but I do think it's a good idea. Using that hour for exercise or other self care could be really beneficial. I've already started working in small ways to exercise: some physical therapy stretches when watching tv, parking at the back of the parking lot while running errands when the weather isn't miserable. If I"m going to work out any more than that I"ll first have to work up the courage to call for another appointment with my pain doctor.
I'd also love to work on downsizing more. I started the Konmari method a few years back and the difference was amazing...but I've slipped. Being on a fixed low income means letting go of things is harder because I can't just replace them. Manic shopping fits drain anything I"m able to set aside, and being a recovering hoarder means things get away from my quickly. She says once you do it once you never have to do it again, but I find a lot of that sort of thing has to be revisited regularly when dealing with hoarding. It will be interesting to focus on working through a major downsize like that while also dealing with disabilities that effect my mobility and focus, hoarder instincts, and the need to not discard what might be needed. It's a different angle on it that directly bumps up against the criticism often leveled at minimalists and the Konmari method of being a privileged option and hard to do when dealing with the "poor tax". Just pushing myself to "get things under control" usually backfires with overwhelm and resentment, but I think if I look at it as exploring how my disabilities change the experience and recording that, it becomes a project and an exploration, which is more palatable.
The other thing that's really been bothering me is how much we've had to use convenience things as my abilities have continued to decline. We use much more plastic and energy now than we did at one point and I'd love to work on getting back to a more sustainable lifestyle. We do some things, but I know I used to do more and it would be satisfying to get some of the ones that have slipped back, or find alterations of them to meet in the middle between ideology and ability.
I'm debating trying again to find a therapist, but that will wait until January for sure; I have too many difficult phone calls that are slipping through the cracks right now in the face of burnout and anxiety and those are, frankly, much more important.
The writing goal is small for now: one entry per week on each of the projects; downsizing both things and stressors, self care, and sustainability.
New year's resolutions are always iffy. But I think if I work on getting back some lifestyle changes that have slipped, as well as looking at things as a project and blogging it as I go, I'll have more motivation than the usual January 1st dreams.
I've managed to regain in a year half of the pounds I had lost over three years...and my cholesterol is 10 points over normal. Since it was previously at the low end, this is a bit heads up that my binge eating has gotten out of control. It's an eating disorder that is often not acknowledged, but it's very real and makes eating a game of chicken.
I've been unable to sit at my computer for some time now, but I've just been gifted a really nice and not heavy laptop from my parents, which I'm typing on now, which (as long as I don't go for big chunks of time typing, which hurts my hands) should enable blogging or journaling again for me.
2020 Hindsight:
working on the binge eating habit and finding ways to sneak in exercise. My mom has suggested that starting in January I take "one hour a day for yourself" to use for self care. The discipline of that will be difficult but I do think it's a good idea. Using that hour for exercise or other self care could be really beneficial. I've already started working in small ways to exercise: some physical therapy stretches when watching tv, parking at the back of the parking lot while running errands when the weather isn't miserable. If I"m going to work out any more than that I"ll first have to work up the courage to call for another appointment with my pain doctor.
I'd also love to work on downsizing more. I started the Konmari method a few years back and the difference was amazing...but I've slipped. Being on a fixed low income means letting go of things is harder because I can't just replace them. Manic shopping fits drain anything I"m able to set aside, and being a recovering hoarder means things get away from my quickly. She says once you do it once you never have to do it again, but I find a lot of that sort of thing has to be revisited regularly when dealing with hoarding. It will be interesting to focus on working through a major downsize like that while also dealing with disabilities that effect my mobility and focus, hoarder instincts, and the need to not discard what might be needed. It's a different angle on it that directly bumps up against the criticism often leveled at minimalists and the Konmari method of being a privileged option and hard to do when dealing with the "poor tax". Just pushing myself to "get things under control" usually backfires with overwhelm and resentment, but I think if I look at it as exploring how my disabilities change the experience and recording that, it becomes a project and an exploration, which is more palatable.
The other thing that's really been bothering me is how much we've had to use convenience things as my abilities have continued to decline. We use much more plastic and energy now than we did at one point and I'd love to work on getting back to a more sustainable lifestyle. We do some things, but I know I used to do more and it would be satisfying to get some of the ones that have slipped back, or find alterations of them to meet in the middle between ideology and ability.
I'm debating trying again to find a therapist, but that will wait until January for sure; I have too many difficult phone calls that are slipping through the cracks right now in the face of burnout and anxiety and those are, frankly, much more important.
The writing goal is small for now: one entry per week on each of the projects; downsizing both things and stressors, self care, and sustainability.
